That’s my email address… that’s what I believe… that’s what I’ve seen… yet today, at 34+ weeks pregnant there is nothing “beautiful” reflecting back at me. I mildly resmeble something off of Animal Planet as I try to turn over in bed. My skin is icky, my back and hips ache in ANY position I’m in, my pubic bone feels like someone kicked me there. Hard. I’m tired. But can’t sleep. Excited to meet this baby and get my body back.
And I am told that I should hate that I feel that way – that I long for this pregnancy to be over. I’ve tried meditating, hypnosis, calming affirmations of beauty… ack. Doesn’t work. I do have glimmers of “Wow. I’m pregnant. I still can’t believe it.” And for those moments I am grateful. The rest of the time? A countdown to the finish.
I have to admit here that I had forgotten just how LABOR-some pregnancy can be. I really had forgotten. As I encouraged other moms, and told them how beautiful they look I wondered at their deer-in-the-headlight response… “Uh beautiful? Uh. Yeah. Sure.” One even said, “Well, ok I guess. Even whales are beautiful to somebody.” I had forgotten that sense of despair and FATIGUE that comes for some women with each pregnancy. I’m one of those women.
And since this is my 5th pregnancy to term, I can say that I don’t regret feeling that way with all of my babies. Diet tweaking has helped me feel MUCh better for this one than the previous 4, but still… I’m tired. I want it to be over. The fun begins for me, with the birth ending. 🙂 I think the babies of moms like me understand. I really do. Never once do I reject THEM, or feel for a second any form of maliciousness that THEY are causing me pain. Because of course they aren’t.
I don’t regret feeling ambivalence towards the PREGNANCY but not the baby, the PROCESS but not the outcome. That’s how it is oftentimes isn’t it? The outcome is worth the process? A bit like a marathon eh? The running starts out fun, the finish is excruciating, but the prize… oh the prize makes it worth it all.
And it is.
SO. Go hug a pregnant woman today. Offer her some chocolate. And for God’s sake do NOT mention how “huge” she is or ask “how much longer?”. She already knows how much longer. To the nanosecond if that’s possible. 🙂 And go ahead – tell her she’s beautiful. Because even though she won’t believe you she WILL remember that you said it. And it will make her smile.