This is so frustrating for me – to be sitting here with so much to say – and to be constrained within the bars of “propriety” and “graceful woman” and “Christian” and even “feminism”. PROPRIETY does not allow me to say “F–K you. All of you. This is my body. My baby. My life. Piss off.” CHRISTIANITY does not allow me to say that I ***hate*** doctors that perform surgery on normal, healthy women and babies (because a cesarean is performed on the baby too – let’s not forget that) in the name of liability and scheduling and “long hours” and ignorance. FEMINISM does not allow me to say that I want someone to rescue me from the dungeon of hospital birth. I want a guardian when I cannot express my wishes, and if/when I do/can they are routinely ignored. I want the person closest to me (a man) to protect me. GASP. “I am woman, hear me whimper.”
Yeah, I know. A bit of contradiction there huh? I know. Get over it. I’m pissed off today. While giving birth unassisted sound LOVELY when I think of laboring and delivering my baby without ANYONE there but me, VBAC status (and my recent dive into the statistics of uterine rupture) leave me a bit shy of doing so. I can’t have a vaginal birth (no matter how managed they would make it) at the local hospitals. If I hire a midwife – she takes an incredible risk to care for me and emergency back-up is non-existant. I must hope and pray there are no complications.
Yet there are the likes of certain “Dr. Amieees” in the world (and I know I mispelled it. I don’t want her to get any more google tags than she already does) who would say, “Life is hard. Have the section. They are recommending it for a reason. You’re not a doctor. You can trust them.” There are SO many nay-sayers, I find it increasingly in my best interests to not tell anyone of this pregnancy, or my plans to birth at home, and G_d-forbid I mention we won’t circumsize or do routine immunizations! UGH.
Can you hear me screaming?????????
So now for the fine print: I am a Christian. I do not use language like this in real life (can’t say NEVER, but I can say rarely). I am not generally an angry, tantrum-throwing person. But if this scenario, and knowing that hundreds of Missouri women find themselves in just such a predicament, does not bristle YOUR neck hairs too… Well, then you’re reading the wrong blog.